Call for critique

My two days as epal at the Ateneo National Writers Workshop has got me missing workshops in general, whether in the classroom environment or outside of it -- and I'm talking of the workshop sessions mismo, not the shenanigans outside the sessions (memories?).

So I've posted the draft of a new story, "On the Patio," here.

Looking for comments and suggestions. Please go all out with the criticism. It's the only way I'll learn anything. (My favorite Bikolana co-fellow required, the curly-haired one if in the mood, and my favorite section editor kung in a good mood lang :p. Others encouraged, even begged for.)

Feel free to leave comments sa blog or if you don't want to embarrass me, sa email ko na lang: martin2vill@yahoo.com.ph

Would like to thank Sir Marx and Sir Egay for accommodating Sasha, Mia, and I sa Nationals, as well as Ma'am Marj, Ma'am Susan, Ma'am Beni, and Joel for pseudo-legitimizing our epal-ness.

Congrats din sa mga fellows (Drew, Khaye, Migoy, etc.) and many thanks for your patience in having us around.