Thursday, April 06, 2006

Open letter to my dearest cousin, Cory…

The opportunity you have been blessed with is tremendous.

I’m proud of you.

I’m proud of the fact that you have chosen a field where you don’t have to degrade yourself to get opportunities abroad. In fact, your field dictates you go abroad not to run away from the country to be subordinate to foreign employers…No, you guys go abroad to REPRESENT the country and all its interests.

That’s admirable.

Among all our cousins, it appears you have taken the biggest strides to make it in this world as an individual who believes in something more than just economic gain.
Whereas, titas question your not choosing something like nursing to get to the States, you held your ground, knowing that you didn’t want to live such a life, in stead, choosing something as fascinating as International Studies, with the intention of being more.

I’m proud of you.

Among all our cousins, undoubtedly, whether you know it or not, behind your back, you were often neglected—hesitance besieges the uncompassionate few who hesitate to consider you the 13th grandchild because you aren’t of the same blood. And yet, you’ve continued on and lived your life with little bitterness.

And quite frankly, you’ve always been my favorite.

I want to be happy for you…

And I think I am…

But with that comes stained memories that I cannot forget—all of which doesn’t even involve us.

The strife between your dad and mine has complicated things. And quite frankly I’m on my dad’s side with everything. Your Ate Snooky—a cousin of mine who has done so much for me—has been doing things that I can’t approve of. Sneaky things. Stuff behind my family’s back. Lies. Manipulation. Things that have gained so much more favors for you guys from our lola, and things that have appeared to be attempts to belittle my own father, your tito, who has dedicated this part of his life to doing nothing but help you guys.

Between your family and mine, too many things are left unsaid…
Thank-you’s come few and far between;
apologies virtually non-existent.

The result of which is a helpless lola who should just be enjoying her twilight years rather than being caught in between family conflicts, a bitter tito of yours who has felt betrayed in the form of my dad, and another tito of yours who denies even having a brother in your dad.

And to think, none of this involves us.

It’s all them.

You have done nothing wrong.

And in all my tireless pleads of defense on your behalf, it appears that the people we are associated with leave the bigger imprints on us.

My dad still loves you…I’m sure this is obvious to you by the way he’s putting aside his bitterness to help you the best he can with this opportunity of yours.

But it’s a stained love—not because of you, but because of doings of your family.

I love you.

But it too comes with so much weight because my loyalties lie with my dad as I’m sure your loyalty is with your own father.

They ask us to separate ties from actual doings…but I guess we both know that it doesn’t work that way.

You will probably never read this…maybe you will.

Well, good luck in the States…

Looking forward to seeing you when you get back in a month or so.

As a countryman, as a Filipino

I’m proud of you.

As your cousin

I want to be happy for you…

And I think I am…

I just wish I could FEEL that way.

From a family member bitten by the poisons of reality…love always,


10:41am Thu 6 April 06


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