Monday, August 07, 2006


Palakihanmay paligsahan ng palakihan ng puki sa Astrodome, tatlo ang sumali dito, isang Haponesa, isang Amerikana at isang Pilipina.

Ang unang nagpasiklab ay ang Haponesa, pinatayo ang mga tao at kinuha lahat ang upuan at ipinasok sa kanyang puki, pumalakpak lahat ang mga tao.

At sumunod naman ang Americana, lahat ng tao sa astrodome ay ipinasok sa kanyang puki at inilabas ang mga ito, napasigaw at pumalakpak ang mga tao sa laki ng puki ng Amerikana.

At ang huli ay Pilipina, lumabas ito sa Astrodome at ang sabi ng mga tao ay talo na ang Pilipina, ngunit pagkalipas ng isang minuto, ang Astrodome ay biglang dumilim, nagtaka ang mga tao, hindi nila namalayan na nasa loob na pala ng puki niya ang Astrodome.

WHY IS THE COLOR GREEN related to images that are vulgar? “Green jokes.” Where did this term come from?

In a world where green is equated to grass and things of nature, why do we insist on the color’s association to humor and sex?

Now allow your inner “green mind” to come out for a second. What part of sex is green? (Your green condom doesn't count.) There really is no connection.

Are people turned off by the color? I don’t think so. Green equates to the grass outside, the plants, the leaves on the trees.

In fact, we covet the color green. When leaves turn brown, we say the leaves are dead. We want green to prevail. Green means life.

Chefs shock asparagus in ice water after cooking them in boiling water to retain and even magnify its greenness. After graduating from our own childish food habits, green vegetables is what we will eventually tell our kids to want. Green is good for you.

Greenpeace represents the fight for the moral obligation to save the earth. My dad spent his entire academic life standing behind the proud green banner of La Salle. I have at least three green shirts and two green bags in my closet.

So in this world, historically, sociologically, psychologically, and morally, green is good. And yet we still have the enigma of the “green joke.”

Wouldn’t “red joke” be more appropriate? Red equates to the devil, blood, to stop, to be avoided. It’s an abrasive color. Since a vulgar joke is offensive in a way, wouldn’t red be more fitting?

Or how about a color like pink? Some people like green jokes, others don’t. Wouldn’t a color like pink, which has distinctly polarized groups of people, be more fitting?

I’ve never heard anyone say that they hated green—I mean genuinely hated green, not as a joke against a rival school. In the case of pink, you either hate it or you love it. No middle ground.

So here’s my plea, my proposal, my one contribution to the world of colloquial language: let’s drop the term “green joke.” Green never did anything to us but make our bodies healthier, our grasses greener, and our world more beautiful.

I just finished reading Portnoy's Complaint by Philip Roth. It's a "green" book; Jewish guy masturbating and having sex with all sorts of women fills up a majority of the pages. I'm still trying to figure out the depth behind the "green" satire. Or maybe I'm thinking too hard.


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