Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Journal entry: Emo (& sincere)

I've long resigned to thinking I'd never be completely happy -- just not in my nature. That said, & people have noticed, I've never been as happy as I've been over the past 11 months. And I've never admitted to this but here goes: I've been trying to be -- not content w/ self-inflicted states of cynicism & sadness. Isn't it only fitting then for a life led like mine -- a not quite happy life -- to have the happiest time ever stop at 11 months: not quite a year? Cuz you're not supposed to be high for too long, says the author of this life, not even for an increment of 365 days. (No, not me.)

But never mind perspective. Fuck it! Let's leave that for when we're on rocking chairs in a place above w/c I pray exists. No -- no putting things in place, no closure to a chapter. No! This is not the end. I won't let this end just as I have most other things/persons I've loved. This story is still writing itself -- w/ my whole body holding on to the pen of the hack writer Life is. There's still time, more pages to fill.  (Join me. Please?)

There's still love -- & here goes: I've begun to believe in the human spirit's ability to channel everything to that end. (Don't leave. I'm begging.)


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